Life Lessons from my Twenties

A few months back I celebrated my 30th birthday.  And I'll be honest, when I thought about hitting my 30's, it was going to be this big thing with a big party and all the fun and craziness that comes with closing out a decade.  However, I brought in my third decade with tons of joy and laughter surrounded by my closest friends and family.

Now that I've been my 30s for a few months, I thought I would share some of the most valuable things I learned in my 20s.

So here we go...

Your timeline does not need to match everyone else's timeline.

I feel like this is especially relevant for women, but men also feel this pressure too.  There is this unspoken rule that you'll go to college, graduate college at 22, get married by 25 while also starting your career, have babies and buy a house well before you turn thirty.  However, this is just so far from the truth.  Yes, there are people out there that meet this timeline.  And I am, by no means, faulting them for going for it, but that does not mean you are less-than or worthless because you are not on the same trajectory as your peer.  Your life needs to be lived the way you are to live it and not based on what everyone else is doing.

Speak your mind, respectfully.

We all have that one friend that has absolutely no filter, right? The person who just says what they're thinking even if that could hurt someone's feelings in the process.  Well let me tell you all, this was me.  I let myself get to this point where I thought my words were truth and everyone should treat them as such.  You know what I learned? I was wrong A LOT of the time.  And often when I was speaking what I thought was the truth, I was hurting the other person in the process.  Had I taken a step back and put myself in the other persons shoes, I might have seen what what I was saying could have been handled better or did not need to be handled at all.  One of the blessings of growing up is learning how to speak your truth in a manner that respects yourself and others. 

"No" is an acceptable answer.

A lot of my twenties were spent trying to please other people.  My friends want to go out? Okay! Parents want x, y, or z from me? No problem.  Husband needs me to do this? You got it.  And you know what I realized? I just plain could not do it all.  Not only was I overcommitting myself, I was simultaneously failing on 90% of the commitments I had made because I was burned out.  Eventually I came to the point that I had to start saying "no" and guess what? It was the most freeing thing I could have done for myself.  In fact, I took on the mantra: "If the answer isn't Hell Yes!, then the answer needs to be no"{Thank you Rachel Hollis}.  Obviously there are some things I cannot say no to, but in general if my gut reaction isn't to be excited then I'm generally going to just say no thank you.

Also, I'd like to add another tidbit for this: When you say no, you do not owe the other person an explanation.  This one was hard for me to accept (and those in my life to accept).  When I started saying a plain old "no thank you" to some people, their immediate response was to question why and get upset.  It can be a little awkward at first, but I promise over time that people will learn that your first "no" is the final "no" and that you will likely not provide an explanation and they need to respect that.

Friends come and go - and that's part of life.

One of the biggest (and hardest) things I went through in my twenties was having my friendship with my best friend come to an end.  Losing her left a big hole in my life that was incredibly hard to fill.  However, this also taught my some very valuable life lessons:

1. Show gratitude to your friends - make sure they know you love them

2. Speak honestly and openly, but with love

3. Apologies go a long way and should be used when appropriate

So while that experience was horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I am grateful it happened so I had the opportunity to learn so much about myself and grow in ways I otherwise would not have had the opportunity to do.

So that's it! 

Those are the four main things I learned in my 20's.  There are several other things that I learned (like it's important to have a budget) but these are the things that I learned life lessons from.

Question of the Day: What important life lessons have you learned {and ultimately grown from} that you want to share with others?

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Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.

October: Month @ a Glance

Oh hello there! So my plan to post more frequently didn't go as planned, but here I am picking up one of my favorite post series I used to do on the blog! Can you believe we're already in October? Where in the world has this year gone? October is my second favorite month after December {because, Christmas} and it also really represents the beginning of the holiday season for me!

This year I am participating in the Last 90 Days challenge again because I really felt like the challenge had a positive influence in my life and I think it would be good to finish the year off strongly.  If you haven't heard of the Last 90 Days challenge, check out The Hollis Co. website.

October is always a fun and busy month for us and this year is no different.

So here's what's on our agenda this month! 

On the Agenda this Month:

1. Helping our friends pack and move into their first house
2. Meeting our friends baby/dinner date with friends
3. My brother is getting married!
4. Halloween party at our house
5. Our 8th anniversary

Goals for October

1. Read Four Books: I know this is more than I used to do in the past, but I started a reading challenge with my girlfriend and I want to keep on it as much as I can! I'll be posting about that challenge soon, I promise!

2. Exercise daily: One of the goals for the Last 90 Days challenge is 30 minutes of exercise every day.  My goal is to either use my Peloton bike or go for a walk/run every day.  

3. At least 4 posts this month.  I have had 3 or 4 half written posts on in my queue for the last 2 months so I desperately need to finish writing them and share them with you all!

Question of the Day: What costume are you wearing for Halloween this year?

Share your responses below in the comments! 

I'd love to hear from you!

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Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.

What Losing My Job Taught Me and Other Updates

Hellloooo everyone.  How are you? It's been like.... 9 months.  No I did not disappear to have a baby {snort}, but I did take a break to focus on my mental health and find a better balance to my life.  In fact, I took so much of a break that my Facebook Page needed to be "made private" until I could gather myself enough to start posting regularly again. 

So what's been going on with me you ask? Let's see...

1. Started a new job April 2018

2. Found out my contract was ending in "the new year".

3. Started a new job in January of this year (thank the LORD)

4. Oh and I went to Austin, TX twice in the last year 

When I write it out, it does not seem like a whole lot of activity does it? But to me that was a crazy, crazy, crazy whirlwind of a year.  When I left my job April 2018 I was super excited to go onto bigger and better things and try something different.  I was working from home 99.9% of the time, learning the ins and outs of Compliance and growing professionally.  In my head, this new job afforded me all kinds of opportunities that I never would have had at my last job.  However, the rug was quickly pulled out from under my feet and I found myself scrambling to figure out what I would be doing next.  When I found out that my job was not, in fact, a long-term contract it knocked the wind right out of my sails.  

To be blunt, I felt extremely defeated and started questioning if I made the right decision to leave my old company, questioning if I was "good enough" and questioning what in the WORLD would be happening next in my life.  And of COURSE, I was upset because we were on this epic plan to pay off all of our credit card debt in 18 months and all I could focus on was the fact that we weren't going to be able to do that...  weird right? Thankfully, the universe had a plan for me and provided me with a new opportunity in the same department as before just under a different team.  And I honestly have been much happier than I ever imagined I could be while working a job.  Imagine that.

So why am I telling you this? Well because while this whole experience stunk, I actually learned a few things and I thought I might come to share them with you all.

Things I Learned When I Lost My Job

1. Being stressed is 100% okay and 100% normal.  Throughout this whole process I was extremely stressed out.  I knew that my job would be coming to an end and that I would need to find more work.  And we ALL know that you are more employable when you're already employed so I was scrambling to get any interviews I could on the calendar the week before Christmas... which was a total of 1 interview.  I also was applying for 10+ potential jobs every day just to get as many applications as I could out into the world.  But throughout this whole stressful adventure, I was constantly reminded by family and friends that being stressed was okay and to just do what I could and trust that it will work out.  

2. Saying "no thank you" to an interview is not a bad thing.  Because I had gone from driving 45+ miles into the office daily to hardly ever going into an office, I knew that I would not feel comfortable going back to a long commute again.  When searching for new jobs I only applied for positions that were within a comfortable driving distance.  And when a company contacted me for a position that was not within that radius, I politely declined and asked them to reach out in the future if they have any opportunities that do not require long commute.  To some, rejecting an interview due to long commute might be silly, but I knew my limit and would not pursue a job with a long commute unless absolutely necessary.

3. Don't be afraid to ask for more (within reason).  When my first job offer came through I was so excited.  Not only would it be a simple transition, I would not be unemployed at any point.  This meant I would not have a gap in pay or miss out on any benefits.  The only bad thing about the offer... was slightly less than my current salary.  Of course, I was a bit disappointed that it was less, but then I realized that it is completely acceptable for me to ask for them to make up the difference.  Bargaining is part of the process, is it not? What harm could it do? So of course I talked with HR and told them that I would really like for them to match my previous salary (especially since it was not much more to get there).  She informed me that the salary could not be increased, but they could look at possibly doing a signing bonus and low and behold, the signing bonus made up for majority of the difference and I only ended up losing $500 a year which wasn't a big deal when the benefits package was so exceptional.

4. Give yourself grace.  Changing jobs once in a year is hard.  Changing jobs twice in 12 months is even more challenging.  They say it takes at least 6 months to get a really good understanding about your new job.  I had finally felt like I had found my groove and was ready to really dig my hands into my work and start expanding then I found out my contract was ending.  When I started my current position, I found myself constantly frustrated that I was lost or making mistakes.  I knew it was part of the process and that it would take time, but I just wanted to feel good at my job again.  That's when my mother, who is very wise I might add, reminded me to give myself grace.  "It takes time to adjust" she said.  And I knew she was right.  Since then, I've been able to give grace in moments which I previously would not.

So that is the four things I learned from losing my job.  I'm sure that more will come to move over time, but these are what I have so far.  

What's Next?

Over the past few months I have been brainstorming topics I'd like to cover with you all on the blog and over the next month or so I am planning/hoping to start posting at least once a week.  That way I am still engaging with you all, but I am NOT overwhelming myself.  The last thing I want to do is give you crummy content while simultaneously stretching myself too thin.

  

Question of the Day:
What advise would you give to someone that lost their job?

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Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.