Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Who I am Hates Who I've been


Music.  It is one of the most power forms of communication that human beings can use to connect with one another.  Music can build someone up, it can change their life, it can help them through a difficult time and so much more.  

Have you ever gone back to your "throwback" music and been so caught off guard by a song that it stopped you dead in your tracks

I personally had one of those moments yesterday while I was driving home from work.  On a whim, I decided that I would throw on some Relient K (the old stuff from early 2000) and reminisce with some of their silly music like Sadie Hawkins Dance.  But while I was letting Spotify jump around through their songs, I was caught completely off guard by the words of one of their songs {which I ironically knew all the words to because I listened to this CD on repeat when I was 16}.  

But for some reason, the words sunk in this time....

Image result for i'm sorry for the person i became

 While I was "happily" moving along with my life, I had become a completely different person and was unaware of that change until one day I completely fell apart.  I was completely overwhelmed by the simplest things, I was making harsh and irrational decisions and to be honest, I was a complete jerk.  At times, even I was shocked at the words coming out of my mouth, but there I was saying them and suffering with the consequences later.  And my actions and words resulted in me pushing away some friends that I love dearly and semi-destroying my friendship with my best friend.  I was going down in a blaze of glory, that was for dang sure.

I had let my anxiety and my depression completely take over my life until one day I could no longer pretend that I was okay and I fell apart.

And let me tell you, when I look back at that time in my life,
who I am now really does hate who I had been.  

But I have to say, I learned a lot during that time.  I learned that I am more resilient than I give my credit for.  I learned that no matter how "grumpy" I get, I have friends and family that will stand by my side and support me.  I learned that there is always things to learn in every circumstance.  And I learned that the only way to learn and grow is to continue pushing forward.

Now, almost three years later, I am back to the "old" me.  Except, I am not 100% the old me.  I am a new/old me that learned a valuable life lesson and grew from it.

The best part? An old friend of mine and I reconnected and she told me that when we got back together she thought, "Oh there you are.  There's my friend that I love and not this thing that she had became."

Sometimes in life we have to go through hardships and lose connections with people in order to "get back" to who we are.  The process is not fun, in fact it is very painful, but once you are on the other side you will be stronger and grateful for the chance to grow and reflect on your life.

And like me, you could hear a song that almost perfectly represents your hardships/your life and reminds you how far you have come.

If you want to listen to the whole song, check it out below.



Question of the Day: What valuable life lessons have you learned over the last few years? 




I'd love to hear from you!

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2 comments:

  1. I really like this:
    Sometimes in life we have to go through hardships and lose connections with people in order to "get back" to who we are. The process is not fun, in fact it is very painful, but once you are on the other side you will be stronger and grateful for the chance to grow and reflect on your life.

    I had a falling out with a friend recently (we were friends for like 15+ years too) but these words bring comfort.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry to hear you had a falling out with your friend, but I'm glad you found comfort in my post. If you ever want to chat about it (or anything else) I'm always happy to talk

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